Too Much & Change

So maybe this sounds silly but a lot of times I want to write so much more than I actually do. I don’t know what would be ‘too much.’ Sometimes I need to write about real things, if not for anyone else then for myself.

&No, I’m not talking about worldly current events (enough people are talking about that kinda stuff)
Last night I found out that this kid I used to hang out with killed himself. Hanged himself. He was 26. There are always questions when someone dies but when it’s from suicide we always seem to address the questions to ourselves. Like WE were the ones who could have made a difference. The last time I saw him was over 3 years ago. I wasn’t close to him, but since he was in my friends’ band we all hung out. He was always fun.

I once had a professor who said that social networking sites were strange because it’s like we’re building our own tombstone -and I think it’s so true. After someone dies their Facebook is where people go to mourn. There they can read the things that person once said, look at pictures of them &read people’s reactions to losing that person.

It didn’t feel like he was gone until I saw people posting sad things on his FB. One of my friends even has a video of him on youtube. It’s not a good quality video but it still gives me chills. Man, it sure feels weird to think about it, to write about it. He was one of us.

Anthony, you will be missed more than you know.

Death & reconnecting with nature brings me to….

Andy Goldsworthy. One of my favorite artists of all time.
(Rachael, if you don’t know him already, I know he’ll be your fav!)

Andy Goldsworthy is an ecological artist
-he only uses found natural objects and he rarely uses tools.

His art is always site specific and often is an event that is destroyed by nature over time.

Some say his art is time; the art isn’t only what he makes and photographs but it’s also the way it interacts with nature and breaks down.

icicles (he makes sculptures like this with his bare hands – even without gloves)

“The very thing that brings the work to life is the thing that will cause its death”

“When I make a work, I very often take it to the edge of its collapse, and that’s a very beautiful balance.”

lying in the rain

“The real work is the change”

Although he prefers to work in nature he does occasionally get commissioned for galleries and private locations:

Amazon sells a documentary on his work, Rivers and Tides for a reasonable price.

I highly recommend buying it. You get to watch the making of the art as well as the breakdown. Andy explains his work and it’s so easy to connect with him, he’s such a down to earth person. I watched it in my art class last semester and loved it so much that I bought it to show my whole family. His work is beautiful &he breaks down how we think of art traditionally and reconstructs it intertwined with nature.

I’m sure I’ll mention Andy again in the future.

For now I’m going to rest my head.



Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?

A phone call I’d rather not receive-

We’re not going down alone this time. We’re not going down as a species. We’re going down as a planet. I was discussing cancer with my neighbor and I said how I think it’s ridiculous how everyone can name at least one person close to them who has/had cancer. She thinks that many other diseases wiped out plenty of people in history -our time it just happens to be cancer. But I think the problem is deeper than that.

Please use my body while I sleep
My lungs are fresh and yours to keep,
kept clean and they will let you breathe

I think it has to do with everything we’ve infected our planet with. The dumping grounds, the garbage, the toxins. I think this problem is more than just skin deep. We even started to pollute space. At what limit will we stop?

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened
was the part I must have missed

I live next to an old dumping ground (I think for WWI?) and our drinking water is contaminated – it runs through our neighborhood. Our elementary school is built on top of it. No, I don’t think its a coincidence that most of my elderly neighbors died of cancer. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Long Island has the highest rate of Breast Cancer than any other place in the country. It has got to do with the waste.

If I could I would shrink myself
and sink through your skin to your blood cells
remove whatever makes you hurt,
but I am too weak to be your cure.

We have Grumman here, which built many things for both wars and space. Very industrial. It’s interesting that things like Apollo Lunar Module was built in my backyard, but it’s not worth the cost. We all say we want to go green and we’re trying to recycle and upcycle. But we are a consumer nation. We haven’t stopped driving our cars. We haven’t stopped BUYING cars. We haven’t begun to become sustainable. We are all talk. Nothing more. And we’re all to blame. Even myself. I’m a product of my society.

I’m not letting you check out
You will beat this starting now
and you will always be around

Even animals are affected by this. My aunt’s hedgehog died of cancer. Dogs, cats, ferrets, no one is safe; and we still haven’t stopped. It’s disgusting &I feel like there’s no hope. There’s only so much we can do and that isn’t enough.

I’m there to monitor your breathing
I will watch you while you’re sleeping
I will keep you safe and sound

Maybe when we’re finally gone and we’ve destroyed everything earth will finally be able to rebuild itself. Billions of years later. Wouldn’t that be beautiful?
Maybe believing that is the only way we can sleep at night.

Does anybody remember back when you were very young?
Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?