No, this isn’t the poem I was looking for that day-


once again
I hear of somebody who is going to
settle down and
do their work,
painting of writing or whatever,
as soon as they get a better light
or as soon as they move to a new
or as soon as they come back from the trip they
have been planning,
or as soon as…

it’s simple; they just don’t want
to do it,
or they can’t do it,
otherwise they’d feel a burning
itch from hell
they could not ignore
and “soon”
would turn quickly into

-Charles Bukowski


Bukowski; sifting through the madness

sitting in a messy room
chores wait on a queue
as I continue to ignore them

A book of poems in hand
this is why I am not asleep.

I’m thumbing through
to read only the short ones-
the ones that have my attention
for only a few minutes
but stay with me for much longer than that

I’m looking for one of them
I cannot remember the name
or a line in full.
But when I find it, I will post it.

Currently Reading

I had to go to the library today and while I was there I figured I would get two books I’ve been wanting to read: the Bell Jar & a book of Bukowski’s poems. Now, I’m not exactly sure why I haven’t read the Bell Jar yet. It’s been on my list for a while. Lately it’s been showing up in the most random places in my life, so I figured no more waiting, just go for it. In the spring I read Bukowski’s Ham on Rye and Post Office (I recommend both!) and within a few weeks of me living here my roommate asked if I ever read his poems (without knowing I loved his writing) and said she feels like I would love them.

So now I’m currently reading:

MLK Jr’s The Strength of Love (for school)
Dalai Lama’s Ethics for the New Millennium (for school)
David Sedaris’ Holidays on Ice
Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar
Charles Bukowski’s Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way

Liza caught me reading the Bell Jar at the studio~

Everything that came to mind while I sat down to write…

Okay, okay, so instead of reading Nausea (it’s hard to read books that you were supposed to read for school -even after the semester’s over) I decided I needed to read Post Office by Bukowski. I loved Ham on Rye and really wanted to read another Bukowski. Somehow it matches the mood I’ve been in these past few days. So today I actually went and got a library card but the library didn’t have Post Office available so I caved and went to the book store. :X

Ham on Rye is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. I was debating which Bukowski book to start which but after reading an amazon review, “…a relatively quick read about a rather painful childhood of Harry Chinaski, a German-American kid with an anti-conformist bent so pronounced that Holden Caulfield would tell him to cheer up.” I knew I had to go for it. I usually have a hard time getting into a book but I could tell I liked Bukowski’s style of writing just from the first page. Ham on Rye has a strong motif of searching for self identity and although it isn’t very optimistic, there’s something comforting and even motivating about how real it is. It’s definitely the kind of book that some people would find offensive; truth, Henry comes off as an asshole but you do feel for him because he is easy to relate to. I can’t wait to start Post Office tonight -which is also about Henry Chinaski (yeah, the amazon reviewer got the name wrong.)

I went to the beach yesterday with Brian and Bean and took a few pics of them. How adorable are they!?

I need to be quicker with my camera, I shouldn’t have cut their feet out. ):

They felt awk in front of the camera but I think this one is really cute

Check out my newest vintage camera:

I love old cameras! This one is a Kodak Starflash Outfit Brownie.
The box reads,”When there’s fun there’s a snapshot.” Love it.

I’m thinking about writing a little about photography. Kinda like ‘understanding your digital camera.’ I don’t know if anyone will read it though. We’ll see.

Look at this beautiful interior I stumbled upon today:

Check out the article I found the picture in: here

I’m in the process of cleaning up the basement and moving all my stuff down here. I can’t wait to be able to paint it and redo it. I wish I had a place this gorgeous to work.

I was debating about whether or not to go down this path, but then I decided to just do it. I love philosophy (did I mention that I’m going to minor in philosophy? No matter where I end up going to school, no matter what my major is, I want to minor in philosophy. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far because that’s what my dad did too.) But I was avoiding the topic because when you discuss philosophy the ‘G’ word always comes up, but I suppose we’ll try to work around it.

Here’s a page out of my notebook:

I’ll explain tomorrow…

&I got my ID for UVM but tuition is a lot more than I had expected. I looked at the other colleges in the area and none of them offer summer dorming. I could always stay in an apartment for a month but I really wanted to stay in a dorm with other students my age. Looks like I’ll have to look into something else to do for the summer..

Oh, oh! I might be going to the Hamptons tomorrow… I just need to convince Jessie to go with me (which is harder than it sounds.) Brian’s going to be working out there tomorrow so I want to use that as an excuse to drive out there for the day. I don’t know why I always find a thousand things I want to do when I have a whole to-do-list I should be checking off. (Those of you waiting for rings they’re almost all done!)


P.S. It’s a funny thing writing a blog. I never used to know what to write about & it seems like the more I write the more I have to write about. Even if it’s all just silly stuff. It doesn’t feel weird anymore to write without having someone answering right away. (That’s always why I prefer to chat rather than email or post on forums. But I’m learning!)